I didn't sign up for this
by Speckleflower
Summary: Crack fic where Gabriel is the most incompetent father on the planet, Emilie is giving birth and Nathalie is struggling.


**I was at a creative standstill, literally staring at my chapter summary for the next part of I Waited, like, blankly. So I decided to write a crack fic. I know it's a little different to what I normally write, but it was fun. Anonymousfriend27 and I were literally hysterical when we thought of it, well I was, she's a little more controlled than me. People were like, looking at us, and laughing like that, I probably looked insane or something. We're weird that way (read: we're great that way).**

**Gabriel's incompetence does not reflect my views on girls. (Wow, that sounds hella weird)**

* * *

The nurse held out Gabriel and Emilie's newborn child. Gabriel looked uncomfortable, and he shot a stricken glance at Nathalie, who was standing next to him.

He wants guidance? Well he's not getting any, thought Nathalie firmly.

"Nathalie?"

No, don't you dare. Don't even think about it.

"Nathalie, hold this… child."

"Um… sir, I'm pretty sure that's not on my job description." Nathalie put her hands in front of her and shook her head, taking a small step back.

"Just hold my daughter!"

"Gabriel, this is your son," Nathalie deadpanned.

"A son as well? Since when did I have two children?"

"No, Gabriel." Nathalie was getting frustrated. "Your wife has given birth to a boy. You have a son."

Gabriel didn't even skip a beat. "Great, an heir! I was getting worried."

"Are you implying that you wouldn't be happy with a daughter?"

"Ugh, girls are useless and incompetent. It would be detrimental to the company."

You're the only incompetent one at the moment. "Gabriel, are you aware that I am a woman, and I would disagree with that?"

"What? But I like you Nathalie! You're different!" Gabriel smiled stupidly.

Wow. "Thanks," she muttered. "I'll just ignore that, ok? But, um, what about Emilie? You must have noticed that she's a girl, I mean, I hope. If not, then… ugh, because you literally had a baby with her."

Gabriel continued to smile like a stupid fricking ken doll or something, it was starting to get extremely annoying. Nathalie waved her hand in front of his face and he literally didn't react. "Did you even hear what I said?" She tried, raising her voice slightly.

"What- oh, yeah. Emilie's well, my wife! Of course I love her!"

"But you don't appreciate other girls? Because that's a little-"

"What do you mean? I don't have anything against girls!"

Nathalie pursed her lips. Do you know what you said literally 30 seconds ago? Nathalie tried as hard as she could to hold herself back from strangling the man- she really wanted to, more than anything at the moment. She must have looked angrier than she thought, because Gabriel held up his arms, and a worried expression took over from the smile. "Whoa, whoa, ok. Erm…so…" He was obviously trying to change the subject, and failing. Nathalie crossed her arms. This is going to be a long day.

The baby squirmed in the nurse's arms and squealed softly, stretching out his arms to Gabriel, who seemed to be fighting the urge to recoil, a scared look on his face.

The man's so unsociable he can't even deal with a baby. Nathalie tried to control the urge to laugh at the situation.

The nurse who had been silently watching the conversation, eyes darting between the two of them, cleared her throat nervously when the baby started to move. "Sir, please hold your son. Maybe, you should name him?" she suggested. "Anyway, I need to go back to your wife, someone else will be with you soon." She quickly turned and exited.

Gabriel reluctantly took the boy, awkwardly holding it under the arms. He looked so out of place next to a small child, especially with it reaching out with pudgy arms to try and grab his hair, to which he held it a little further away, letting its legs dangle. Nathalie had to admit though, the baby's huge emerald eyes and toothless grin were adorable.

"So, Nathalie… what should I name him? Emilie let me choose the name."

Well that was a mistake. "Sir, you pay me to organise your business, not name your children, or for that matter, to be involved in your personal life at all. Me being in a hospital with you while your wife gives birth is not what I expected to be doing today."

"Ok fine, but… I don't know any names!"

Nathalie mentally facepalmed. "Erm…" Gabriel concentrated for a second, then his face lit up. "I know! Sid!" Hell no. "Billy, Paulo, or… Adrien!" Nathalie raised her eyebrows. Gabriel grinned. "Adrien! I like it. What about you, Nathalie?"

"Oh… yes, I like it. But that doesn't matter, he's your son."

"Right! Now I'm gonna take Emilie out to celebrate! We could go to-"

"Sir. Your wife literally just gave birth. She's probably a little… tired," Nathalie explained slowly, as if she were talking to a toddler. He sure acts like one sometimes. "You may want to… go and see her?"

"Oh yeah, I'm coming Emilie!" He thrust Adrien into Nathalie's arms.

"Wha-?" Nathalie protested, but he was already gone.

Nathalie sighed and carefully pried her thumb out of Adrien's mouth.

I need to get paid more for this.

* * *

**Because Nathalie is now a feminist.**


End file.
